31 December 2004

Microwaves and Cats - A clarification

It appears that I may have caused offence with the title of one of my recent posts, 'Microwaves and Cats'.

Concerns have been raised that this title may have mistakenly given people the impression that I was subtly advocating the practice of putting a cat in a microwave oven and, as a consequence, children may be encouraged to 'follow suit' and actually harm a cat.

I would like to take this opportunity to point out that I do not condone the mistreatment of cats or any other domesticated pets.

I am an avid 'animal lover' and, indeed, once embarked on an exciting, tempestous, yet ultimately ill-fated, three-month affair with an angora goat called Raquel.

It ended abruptly and unpleasantly when I discovered that she was seeing another goat 'on the side'. Despite her infidelity, I still think of her often.

Some wounds never heal, regardless of time and introspection...


Peeved Michelle said...

I also do not condone the harming of living cats, but might I recommend the Cat-A-Pult? You get all the joy of flinging a cat through the air without raising the ire of the PETA folks.

Dan said...

The Cat-A-Pult is a wonderful idea but, to my mind, simply doesn't go far enough. However, inspired by this I have decided to market my own version.

I recently heard that cats can fall (and survive) from heights in excess of seven stories. Accordingly, I have created a prototype version of the Ultimate Cat-A-Pult which incorporates inch-thick springs, hydraulics and a padded launch platform. When fired, the cat is thrown up to 100 feet in the air where it spins lazily as it reaches its zenith, then plummets to the ground before landing neatly on all four feet and walking away, shaken but otherwise unharmed.

As I said, this is merely a prototype and I've experienced some teething troubles with velocity and direction. However, I should point out that I haven't used real cats to test its mighty power - that would be cruel.

I used dogs.